CONTENT WARNING: Self harm, suicide, abuse, homophobia

How You Make Me Feel | Digital | (2022)

There is a lot I want to say about this piece. I draw in an unplanned, organic way. When things appear in my imagination, I add them in.

I imagined hands coming down as spiders, throwing out hooks, manipulating my face, my emotions, how I appear to the outside world.

The hooks would pull and tear at my skin, as the lines pulled through bone and sinew.

Why illustrate such violence towards oneself? Well for one thing it is better than hurting my physical body.

Through the process of this illustration I realised I was expressing some deep traumas that I have not really addressed directly. When I look back at the body of my work, it is obvious where I have subconsciously explored these feelings. In deciding to make this piece with more focus, I found that it drained and took a lot out of me. I worked on it tirelessly until it all came into focus, and when it did, I felt a tidal wave of exhaustion but also relief.

I feel like the time is right to share these stories. They will provide context for this work.